A Family of Strangers

A family of strangers

is a gathering of friends

Who met once upon a time

& remained bonded ’til the end

 

From each far reaching corner

of this spherical Earth

Accumulating like magnets

to bask in each others worth

 

Swimming across oceans

Climbing mountain peaks

Crossing legal borders

To love endlessly

 

Bonding over campfires

Listening to tunes

Even playing with light-up balloons

 

Sharing our souls

Good vibes spread throughout

Selflessness offered up

Joyous praises we shout

 

Developing crushes

We seek only to hide

Because fear of rejection

Is detrimental to our pride

 

We’re incapable of accepting

the love that we deserve

Because too many times

we’ve been kicked to the curb 

 

We show affection

to those who aren’t us

Yet we wonder how

their love we can trust

 

If we can’t love ourselves

How can others return

They can’t reciprocate

What we continue to burn

 

Feelings cause pain

when you don’t believe

That love is there

for you to receive 

 

You circle back to homies

Your sisters & brothers

To forget about emotions

& not let them smother

 

Positivity is a Virus

Positivity is a virus
You can easily transmit
It’s highly contagious
Don’t fear spreading it

You infect one life
& so they affect others
Thus a ripple begins
Which this world, it smothers

Waves traveling forward
Across oceans, across land
From one soul to the next
’Til together we all stand

Sick with this virus
Mutated into those
Who love one another
Whose hearts have been transposed

Each frozen thought thawed
Every mind opened wide
So that we can all see
The beauty held inside

There will be no more heartache
No tears shed from wet eyes
No pain, only joy
Sunshine & butterflies

Smiles on every face
Arms open wide
Diversity embraced
Conflicts set aside

Who knows how far
Your ripple will go?
The world is a sphere
So in circles it flows

Disease is the answer
Like zombies we unite
Don’t cower in the darkness
Be positive, spread your light

Hearts, like oreos, don’t break even

I once heard that hearts don’t break even
Today I realized the truth of this phrase
The reality is that splits are like twisting oreos apart
The icing inside is never sliced smooth down the center
It’s rough & jagged & disproportionate on either side
Sometimes one side steals all the delicate delicious filling from the inside & the other is left completely barren

To quote a monologue from the movie Call Me by Your Name
“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of 30 & have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste!”

I am the oreo who was stripped bare, & by 27 I was bankrupt with nothing left to offer the next person who enters my life. I am trying to open up, let people in. But shutting down is so much easier when all I’ve ever known is disappointment & disappearance taking with it every piece of my soul I had invested in that person. Guess I’m just venting today, no rhyme or reason lol. But this is the real me. & it shares a little about my writing too. That’s the reason I keep 95% of my writing to myself is because I pour my heart & soul into it, & I fear someone stealing that work, which contains my soul, or judging it as so often happens to me as a person.

Fight Hostility Created by Diversity

After traveling as much as I have you come to find how utterly indifferent Americans are to welcoming diversity. We call ourselves a melting pot because people from all over the globe congregate here. Whether seeking asylum from their motherland or simply looking for a fresh start in the magical land where everyone has equal rights & anything is possible. What’s truly amazing is how, despite the diversity provided here in the United States, people are completely oblivious to the fundamental principles involved in accepting others. We have more diversity than most countries & yet I feel we are in the most turmoil because of it. This does not have to be the case. There are three key steps I feel we must implement in order to reduce the hostility created by diversity.

  1. Observe (look, listen, learn)
  2. Process
  3. Act

In order to observe something you have to be fully engaged. Look with your eyes, what do you see? Listen with your ears, what do you hear? & most importantly of all, contemplate what you can learn from this. The first part of observation may seem the simplest, but I believe that in fact it is not. Too often people look & only see what is different: the color of a person’s skin for example. However, they fail to notice what is the same: it is still another living, breathing human with red blood flowing through his/her veins. Listening too is not so simple as it may appear. Once again too many people focus on the differences, for example a language barrier; forgetting that smile is the universal language everyone understands. & as when interacting with small children or the hearing impaired, hand signals combined with body language are often very effective means of communication.

In my opinion though, the most important part of observation is learning. Always consider what you can learn from what you witness. The more you understand someone/something the less frightening it will seem. I crossed paths with a very large moth last night. Now, I am no lepidopterist, & I will admit the initial sight of it caught me by surprise, but I didn’t let it scare me. Rather I approached it slowly. I took a few photos & later got on my computer & researched it. I did this to learn more about the creature, to better understand it & its purpose. The more you know, the easier it is to grasp that everyone & everything on this Earth serves a purpose, if for no other reason than to make our time on this block of rock floating through space significantly less boring. This is why is it important to take the time to study, research, & postpone judgement.

The next step is to process all this information. Consider all you have observed. What is different, what are the similarities, how can this benefit society. Does this person know or understand something you cannot? Can they help improve your life in some way? Maybe they are a biochemist who will one day develop the lifesaving medication you require to survive. Maybe they are an electrical engineer who wants to make your life easier by creating technology that is more user friendly & affordable. Maybe they are simply capable of cooking you the best meal you’ve ever had in your life or providing for your ears the most glorious music you’ve ever heard. Everyone serves a purpose, maybe it is to teach you a lesson like patience, but whatever their purpose is, you best believe they have one! So, before you judge, try to focus on these things. Find one positive attribute or search for a purpose you may be overlooking.

Once you have observed & processed, the only thing left to do is to act! Now while this may seem the most daunting task, truthfully, it is far from it! If you have put in the work to find out why this person exists, why they are crossing your path, what one positive thing they provide, how they are similar to you… Accepting them, embracing them, & even loving them will seem easy. ❤

PS here is the moth I ran into last night 🙂

Gypsy moth

Be the Light

I don’t often share things immediately after I write them. Hell sometimes I wait a year(s) to post them. But, I just shared what I wrote tonight with some people (also uncharacteristic of me) so I figured I might as well go ahead & post it….

2-20-18
If you’re standing at the end of a rainbow
How would you know?
You wouldn’t be able to see it around you
You can’t always see the beauty surrounding you

It’s all about perspective
Everything is relative

When you’re standing in the rain
How can you explain?
Can you see the edge of the cloud
Is the thunder quiet, is it loud?

It’s all about perspective
Everything is relative

Is that girl a whore
Or could she be more?
Maybe her heart is just sore
But maybe it could be restored

Is that girl a queen
Or do some things go unseen
Maybe she has flaws
She hides behind manicured claws

It’s all about perspective
Everything is relative

In the middle of the ocean
You can sink or you can swim
On the dry desert sand
You can dance with every limb

It’s not about where you are
Or the situation you’re in
But reaching for the stars
& knowing help is within

So put on a smile
Make someone grin
Do it once in a while
Cause that’s how you win

You could be someone’s light
In their world of darkness
So liven things up
Freshen up the starkness

You can’t know
How far your light will go
Like a ripple on the water
One wave creates another
Like the sun getting hotter
’Til the rays start to smother

So be that warmth
In a world that is cold
Tell people they’re loved
In case they were never told

Spread love & joy & hugs everywhere
So when people feel it, they too will share ❤

Forever Alone (5/15/17)

So close, yet so far away
Why didn’t I listen to what the past had to say?
If time tells the truth
I should listen to my youth

All pain, no guy cares
Missing laughter no one shares
It’s all the same
Everything ends in shame

Stolen moments pass to quickly
& boys’ kisses never miss me

Peoples’ words never hurt
Until they lose what they mean
Their definitions are different
Than what they seem

Sometimes I cry
& I know exactly why
Forever alone
Scared to die without a home

Almost in heaven
Almost a dream
Caring never felt
Now doesn’t that seem mean?

They say they don’t know
How others could pass
But it feels the same
When things don’t last

Saying means nothing
Words are just excuses
But you mean everything
Leaving nothing but bruises

Wounds on my heart
[From] the moment we part

Don’t tell me one thing
When you really mean another
Share me with your family
Tell your father & your brother

I miss you daily
I miss that walk of life
But when you speak to me now
I feel nothing but strife

I hate missing you (5/23/17)

I hate missing you
It’s just something that I do
It brings me heartache all the time
I’m still wishing you were mine

I love you so much, don’t you know
It hurts me so bad, when you go
Every time I hear my name
I’m wishing from your voice it came

I write about things you’d think would make me cry
But I still feel numb inside

I miss your face
I miss your smile
I miss the way you held me for a while

WHAT HOLDS ME BACK?

LIVING IN FEAR

I put up a brave façade, but on the inside I’m a coward. I am confident in many things, but not those that matter most. My confidence centers primarily on superficial matters.

I am, & have always been, comfortable with my appearance. I joke that I am “100% genuine, all original parts,” & for the most part that is true. I can admit I am a high maintenance girl. I love to put on makeup & dress up to go out. Yet, I am comfortable enough with my natural self that I walk around daily with my hair in a bun, no makeup on, rocking a t-shirt. Point being, I have no issue with my appearance & I have never contemplated plastic surgery or otherwise redesigning my body. I do love to decorate it though with tattoos & piercings, however, I do not consider this a true body transformation.

I am also brave when it comes to activities I do for fun. I am borderline daredevil material. I have tried everything from skydiving to scuba diving, riding every rollercoaster I encounter, traveling abroad alone, riding horses, & so on. I crave adrenaline rushes! I am all about trying new & exciting things.

This is all fine & great, but there is still something holding me back. Based on the previous information, most wouldn’t peg me as a scaredy cat, but that is exactly what I am; a person who lives in fear.

I am afraid I will fail in my future endeavors. I have toyed with copious ideas over the years regarding what career path I should choose for my life & I never seem to find peace. Everything I consider feels like a cop out for not writing. I have dreamed of making a living off my writing for years. Working on my own schedule from my computer in whatever remote location I so desire. Yet, I have always been terrified of putting myself out there. With many jobs the focus is not centered on you, it is about the work you do. Doctors get praise for saving lives, construction workers for building things, architects for designing, secretaries for assisting, etc. Most careers exist to make people’s lives easier in some way shape or form. They provide some service or produce a tangible object of some sort. Writing isn’t like that.

Writing differs from a typical job because it is an art form. Any artist, regardless if they are in the performing arts, studio artistry, or creative writing, understands what it means to put themselves out there & be exposed to high volumes of criticism. Whether you have 5 followers, 5 thousand, or 5 million, your fans & haters are watching what you do. Sure there are people who will love what you do & be supportive, but “haters gone hate.” No matter how many fans you gain, there will always be people that try to tear you down. The fact of the matter is it’s easier to pull someone off a table than it is to pull someone up on it. Especially if the foundation of that table is unsteady. I am the person standing on the table & my ego is the shaky foundation. It is already extremely fragile & unstable. The simplest remark can topple me off that table. People say, “You shouldn’t care; other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter to you,” & while that may be true, to be honest those words aren’t very realistic to me. No matter how hard I try to release my insecurities, I can’t. I’m scared to put my writing out there because I feel like people’s opinion of my writing is a direct judgement on me as a person. Particularly since the vast majority of my writing is extremely personal. I know this fear is irrational to many people, but it is crippling to me. Everyone is tortured by the fear of something & this is what affects me most. This & clowns, which are the demons that crawled out of the drain holes to hell.

So what are your thoughts? Share with me your fears & how you deal with them. I am open to advice, so shoot me a comment or email (visit my contact page) with your suggestions on how to let go of this terror that is strangling me, preventing me from pursuing my dreams. Share your recommendations on this subject & let’s help eachother out!

PS I hope to gain the courage to start posting some of my better, albeit more personal writing to my site soon so stay vigilant! 🙂

The Heart-BEAT

I am in the process of starting a 501c3 nonprofit organization for hopeful musicians. My goal is to assist in the acquisition of instruments, equipment, software, etc. required to produce/perform; as well as raise money to help these musicians fund their music lessons & even scholarships to music programs. I would ideally like to target small town or low-income musicians. I am passionate about the art of music & it’s influence globally & I want to help spread that worldwide! Check out the link below to my latest page for updates on the organization & see what we’re up to! 🙂 ❤

The Heart-BEAT ❤

For my Niece/Nephew

As I stare into your eyes
Before they have decided what color to be
You’re tiny & innocent
While you’re gazing up at me

I cannot wait
To watch you grow
So as time passes
I’ll beg it to slow

Before words you speak
I’ll kiss you on the cheek
Your tiny hand holding mine
The feeling is so divine

I love you now
I’ll hold you forever
You’ll wonder how
I’ll let go of you never

You can’t hold up your head
All you do is lay in bed
Counting sheep is not a thing
But you sure love toys that sing

Your room is full of giraffes
Unawares, you do arts & crafts
Fingers & toes covered in paint
To make gifts for us to claim

You’ll never grow old
You’ll always be younger than me
So you will always be told
How much you mean to me

Your skin like crushed velvet
Your hair fine peach fuzz
& when you need something
You make a big fuss

Swaddled in cashmere
With a cap to keep you warm
When you cry like a kitten
All the adults start to swarm

Live life to it’s fullest
Don’t die old & boring
Be the best you can be
Like an Eagle keep soaring

One boy & one girl
One silver, one gold
Take care of each other
Don’t try to fit the mould

Be kind, openhearted
Don’t judge like the rest
Befriend everyone
& put love to the test

Be patient, be caring
Be strong, & be good
Be obedient & sharing
Like you wish others would

Kisses & cuddles
& hugs everyday
No matter from where
Love always, ~AK