Hearts, like oreos, don’t break even

I once heard that hearts don’t break even
Today I realized the truth of this phrase
The reality is that splits are like twisting oreos apart
The icing inside is never sliced smooth down the center
It’s rough & jagged & disproportionate on either side
Sometimes one side steals all the delicate delicious filling from the inside & the other is left completely barren

To quote a monologue from the movie Call Me by Your Name
“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of 30 & have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste!”

I am the oreo who was stripped bare, & by 27 I was bankrupt with nothing left to offer the next person who enters my life. I am trying to open up, let people in. But shutting down is so much easier when all I’ve ever known is disappointment & disappearance taking with it every piece of my soul I had invested in that person. Guess I’m just venting today, no rhyme or reason lol. But this is the real me. & it shares a little about my writing too. That’s the reason I keep 95% of my writing to myself is because I pour my heart & soul into it, & I fear someone stealing that work, which contains my soul, or judging it as so often happens to me as a person.

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