Writing

What makes you free?

I live in a country that was founded on freedom, yet I feel I am a slave. I have all of the opportunities & choices in the world laid out before me. I have a proper education. & to be completely honest, I thought that was enough. I got my degree in German & International Studies & was convinced that was all I would need to travel the world. But as it turns out, that is not. Travel costs money & very few jobs actually sponsor travel. My job entitles me to work for the government & such. But, I have no interest in that sort of thing. I want freedom. I don’t want to be strapped down by a daily obligation to the law five days a week. I don’t want to sit at a desk or in any sort of office & consort with others who are content to live that lifestyle. I want to be free, I want to be me. Wild hearts weren’t meant to be broken & I’m ready to set mine free!

I know what controls me. It’s my obsession with money! The fact that I was born with a “silver suppository” up my ass & never had to work for anything I truly wanted. My life was handed to me on a platter as I grew up, I never wanted for anything & that was the worst thing my parents could have ever done for me because it didn’t teach me to fight for anything! They still support me as long as I “obey” their rules & pretend to be the person they want me to be. But I’m tired of the facade.  Tired of putting on an act just to please the hand that feeds me. I am so over feeling like someone’s property, I want the courage to fight for a life worth living, but I don’t know where to find it. I guess that’s why I am writing this post. If anyone reading this is truly following their dreams. If you have ever risked everything in order to be free to be the person you always wanted to be. To live the life you’ve always wanted, without being controlled by anyone or anything else. To live an exotic, exciting life others could only dream of… PLEASE reach out to me! Go to my contact page & tell me your story! I’d love to hear what you have to share! ❤

PS

I feel like a tiny, shriveled up, atrophied bundle of cells. I want to grow! But I can’t do that when I’m hovering under the shade of the hand that feeds me. I have to be willing to run out into the sun & trust that water will fall from the sky to nourish me. I need to rely less on being served & be willing to weather the elements. Flowers don’t grow inside. Nothing kept in captivity flourishes as it does in the wild

Live like you are dying …because you are!

I was thinking about time again this past weekend. I heard the old country song “Live Like You Were Dying” & as things often do, it hit me in all the feels! The song is about a man who finds out he doesn’t have much longer to live, & so he chooses to live life to it’s fullest. Skydiving & climbing & bull riding, but also treating people, including his wife, better. It just got me to wondering though. Why should it require that kind of fear to jolt us into being a better person?

I mean let’s be honest here… We’re ALL dying! Some sooner than others, sure. You may not perish today, this week, this month, or even this year! But there’s no getting out of here alive! Regardless of what you believe about souls & what happens after death, your human, fleshly, earthly body will die. It will disintegrate, rot, be decomposed into mere molecules, atoms that make up the many elements of this extraordinary planet.

So why wait for tomorrow to live your dreams, to check things off your bucket list, or to become an overall better person, whatever that may mean to you. Work on controlling an addiction, seeking help even if necessary. Show compassion, empathy, kindness; not only to those you see consistently, but to even the most random of strangers. Remind your loved ones they are loved even when they may not be making it easy. Set aside time every day to practice a hobby. Also make time to relax, take in a deep breathe & enjoy the fact that there is Oxygen in your lungs. Take nothing for granted, be grateful for everything. If you are reading this post means you have internet, be grateful for that if nothing else. Start small & simple then build on it. Make a bucket list if you haven’t already, don’t worry if it’s realistic or not! Try to put some realistic goals on there & then throw on a few extravagant ones as well! You will work harder, the more lavish your goals are. If you think small, you aim small. I’ve always heard the phrase “shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.” I’m honestly not sure who originally coined the phrase, but I think they were right. The higher you set your goals the higher you will aim & the harder you will work to attain them. That way even if you never achieve your most outlandish goal, you will at least accomplish some of the things you’ve always wanted along the way. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket either! Meaning, don’t make all of your goals about the same thing. Not just money & career driven, throw a few fun things on there as well, some lighthearted stuff to keep you young. Set small, attainable goals along the way to make sure you are steadily progressing not remaining stagnant. Challenge yourself, play games against yourself. See how many strangers you can make smile. Pick a number & set aside that much money a paycheck to put towards your most expensive goal. Don’t compromise! Push yourself! It’s good to be content in life, that is important for happiness, but not to the extent that you stop growing as a person.

Just remember that you will die one day. No one knows at exactly what second that will be, so why waste time becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be! You will not fear death if you live the life you’ve always wanted. Imagine, a life free of regret, guilt & shame. A life where you aren’t worried about running out of time to complete your purpose. But a life where you are satisfied, comfortable & confident in the decisions you make & in your actions. Live passionately my friends! ❤

Positivity is a Virus

Positivity is a virus
You can easily transmit
It’s highly contagious
Don’t fear spreading it

You infect one life
& so they affect others
Thus a ripple begins
Which this world, it smothers

Waves traveling forward
Across oceans, across land
From one soul to the next
’Til together we all stand

Sick with this virus
Mutated into those
Who love one another
Whose hearts have been transposed

Each frozen thought thawed
Every mind opened wide
So that we can all see
The beauty held inside

There will be no more heartache
No tears shed from wet eyes
No pain, only joy
Sunshine & butterflies

Smiles on every face
Arms open wide
Diversity embraced
Conflicts set aside

Who knows how far
Your ripple will go?
The world is a sphere
So in circles it flows

Disease is the answer
Like zombies we unite
Don’t cower in the darkness
Be positive, spread your light

Hearts, like oreos, don’t break even

I once heard that hearts don’t break even
Today I realized the truth of this phrase
The reality is that splits are like twisting oreos apart
The icing inside is never sliced smooth down the center
It’s rough & jagged & disproportionate on either side
Sometimes one side steals all the delicate delicious filling from the inside & the other is left completely barren

To quote a monologue from the movie Call Me by Your Name
“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of 30 & have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste!”

I am the oreo who was stripped bare, & by 27 I was bankrupt with nothing left to offer the next person who enters my life. I am trying to open up, let people in. But shutting down is so much easier when all I’ve ever known is disappointment & disappearance taking with it every piece of my soul I had invested in that person. Guess I’m just venting today, no rhyme or reason lol. But this is the real me. & it shares a little about my writing too. That’s the reason I keep 95% of my writing to myself is because I pour my heart & soul into it, & I fear someone stealing that work, which contains my soul, or judging it as so often happens to me as a person.

Time is fragile, make it last!

3 weeks ago I wrote a poem about time. I wasn’t sure if or when I would post it. However, after the passing of yet another iconic artist today (Avicii-may he RIP), I figure it was fitting. So without further adieus…

Forever I feel like a record on repeat
Time is pendulum, back & forth it swings

Yet time only moves forward on this planet that we live
People pressure time & they beg it to give

As my words remain the same
Time is constant; doesn’t change

The older you get the quicker time passes & the less you posses
So when life slips you by, then you begin to stress

Without being God, you can’t slow it down
& all your fun moments swim by & you drown

You’ll rush life away
But you want certain moments to stay
You can’t pick & choose
Time won’t be abused

So try not to wish your short time away
Be fulfilled by each moment; let every second stay

Stretch time out, as long as you can
Marinate in the now, don’t focus on future plans

The present is all the time you are promised
The future isn’t guaranteed, so with yourself be honest

Enjoy where you’re at, don’t return to past thoughts
They can’t be changed, & your present will be lost

What’s Inside is WHO YOU ARE

I heard a speech from one of my favorite baseball coaches last night & it really stuck with me, so I’d like to paraphrase what was said. Short version: “When you squeeze an orange, juice comes out. What’s inside of you? When life squeezes you what comes out? Because what’s inside you is who you are. & when you’re juiceful, you’re useful!”

Think of yourself as fruit, growing on a tree. As each day passes you are maturing, ripening. Everything you encounter grows into your being. The way you treat your body, how you nourish it affects the flavor of the fruit within. So, fertilize yourself with positivity; surround yourself with those who encourage personal development & empower you. Read books, learn new skills, talk to strangers, but whatever you do, push yourself! Never become content with your size or growth, there is always room for improvement. Cliché but true.

It is true that what’s inside is who you are. Our outsides often become tainted by negative circumstances. You may suffer a metaphorical freeze or get blown from the tree & hit the ground becoming bruised. Our outward appearance doesn’t often reflect what is within. It can appear scarred & haggard due to abuse or neglect. But just because a person has a skinned knee, does not mean the blood flowing through their veins is ruined or toxic. Our outsides are sensitive to our surroundings. They may appear weak or hardened to protect us. This is a façade. The inside remains the same. We are who we are within.

Life is going to squeeze you, contort you, twist you, grind you up & spit you out. But what exudes from this compressed corpse is WHO YOU ARE. So, who are you? & is that who you want to be? If not, who do you want to be? Work to become that person. You are the fruit, but you are also the farmer. You must put in the work to mold & maintain the maturation of what is inside. Don’t be rotted, smelly juice; strive to provide the best product you can!