Writing

Hem of God’s Garment

I once heard that the sun rays peeking through the clouds was the hem of God’s garment. I thought “Wow! That’s incredible. If I could just reach up & touch it I would be healed, saved from my sinful lifestyle.” It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t have to reach up to touch it, missing it. As the sun rays kiss the earth so God’s love extends down to rescue those on the ground.

It’s not a matter of distance, or not being able to reach. It’s about being able to get around the clouds of evil temptation. Temptation will try to block you out, prevent you from seeing the light. But, he always has access to you, no matter how far away from him you may stray. You may feel yourself sinking into the earth. He can reach from the heavens even into the pits of Hell. He created the earth, why wouldn’t he have access to it & all the beings on it? Just as positivity gives life, presiding above negativity, which poisons & buries the soul; so Heaven surrounds us & rises up above while Hell is stationed beneath us. If we invite him, God is within us. He warms us like the sun warms a cat basking in a windowsill.

From a nonreligious perspective, positivity is always there. Clouds of negativity & negative people will try to block it from you. You can’t let them win. You have to rise above those clouds to seek the positivity beyond. Chase the rays where they are touching the ground, they can lead you to more sunshine or positivity & give you a direct path to a higher perspective. ❤

Unworthy (religious)

As the heavy rain falls down

It seems my world may end

I inhale the water & drown

‘Cause it’s better than living with what I did

I wish this was holy water

To wash away my sins

But instead this rain makes mud

So thick that I need fins

I don’t pray for a life raft

To save my evil soul

Instead I slit my own neck

Creating gills through which to blow

My God, My Father, I do not deserve your grace

I completely understand if you look into my face

As I reach your kingdom’s gates

& you banish me to Hell

I will not be surprised 

I won’t fight I won’t yell

My insides have turned toxic

My gut begins to rot

I won’t accept forgiveness

My stomach is a knot

Swelling from the inside

Soon to burst like a balloon

Spraying my wicked ways

Like confetti across the room

I should be quarantined

To protect others from my flesh

But I know that you forgive me

& my slate has been refreshed

There is no amount of gratitude 

To thank you for your love

I will never be worthy

I should be disposed of ~Kimily Trehern

We are not worthy of God’s love, or the gift of His son. No matter what we do, or don’t do, that will never change. No matter how good we think we are, we will never be deserving. No matter how horrible of a person we consider ourselves, he loves us anyways. The free gift of eternal life is quite literally priceless. So when you feel like you could never be forgiven, think again. You have unlimited chances. Your soul is precious. Use your mistakes to learn from. Then let go. ❤

Self Published… FINALLY

I finally did it! I typed, formatted, & (self) published my first book. A collection of my poetry from the last 10-15 years or so. I am more proud of some works than others, however, it is all a part of who I am. You can now download an ebook version or a hardcopy by following the link below. I apologize for some of the formatting being off. It was my first time doing this & I was so excited to complete the project I probably didn’t focus on that as much as I should have… Please check it out, buy it, share it… Let’s get the word out! I’ll be starting on my next book soon. It will be focused on the power of positive thinking. ❤

http://www.blurb.com/b/9293428-random-bits-of-my-brain

 

 

Hardened Hearts & LOVE

A few days ago my friend posted a quote that touched a nerve & inspired me to write. I’m posting the quote below, along with what I wrote later that evening. I wasn’t sure I was ready to post it on my blog, but I have since changed my mind. 🙂 Feel free to share your thoughts. ❤

“Strength is not staring into the face of love with a hardened heart, it is staring into the face of hardened hearts with love.”

Not all hearts are hard

They’re just afraid of love

But those hearts that are hard

Can be restored with love

 

Love is a powerful thing

It can heal or it can wound

It depends how it’s presented

If it hurts or if it soothes

 

Hearts are malleable objects

They’re molded by circumstance

They take the shape of the space between

Each loving blow & painful lance

 

Warm moments leave bubbles

Where the heart swells wide with joy

Cold hours leave deep craters

That sink in from tissue destroyed

 

Where a soft heart has been injured

It is not filled with any air

This makes it difficult to breathe

It’s rigid it is impaired

 

When love is applied to a hardened heart

It heats & smooths the shell

It allows the air to rise within

& restore the outward bell

 

A heart, which has loved

& then been torn apart

Will look upon this subject

& feel afraid to start

 

Yet, when we look with love

At those hearts turned into stone

We can melt & shape them over

’Til they know they’re not alone

 

So look upon each heart

Shining love on every side

& do not fear to enter love

With your own heart open wide

Honor Yourself

For those who work a typical Monday-Friday job, you are likely finishing up your first day of the business week. I hope it went well! But, if not, don’t stress. There is always tomorrow. You don’t have to wait for next week, next month, or even the new year to get a fresh start. Make that change now! Don’t waste time dwelling on what has already occurred. The past cannot be changed no matter how hard you try. So get up, brush it off, go for a walk, get your blood pumping & clear your mind. Focus on where to go from here. What is your next move? 

I once heard that judgement is an unnecessary evil, & you don’t need to blame yourself. Just focus your energy into something positive, into your goals. Take an inventory of your body,  how things feel, your hurts & pains. But know that what you observe is neither right nor wrong. Be kind to yourself, as you would be to a child. This kindness is important. Respect yourself & your body, & know that thoughts & sensations, even of pain, aren’t permanent. Acknowledge anything felt in your body or mind & choose to honor yourself in its presence. Perhaps you find an area of muscle tension, give it a gentle massage. You may find sadness, accept that it is okay to not be okay. Perfection is merely an relative term to describe a state of being that will forever remain out of reach to each individual due to it’s imaginary construct in the mind of said individual. In other words, the definition of “perfection” varies person to person, & by reaching one person’s idea of perfection does not bring satisfaction knowing that in your own mind there are still things you lack to be considered perfect in your own eyes. Thus, true perfection is eternally unattainable. Keeping this in mind, accept who you are, make peace with your flaws. Perhaps you had a spectacular day! Keep fueling that fire of positivity with gratitude. Be grateful you had a satisfactory day, because not every day is going to feel so. Take a moment to enjoy where you are at, & reflect on what factors contributed to today being so great. Try to hold on to those concepts & continue to implement them whenever possible to increase the chances of repetitive success. 

Wherever you fall on the spectrum today, know that it is not forever. Time is fleeting. I wish everyone had a great day every day, but such is not life. Life, as we all know, is a rollercoaster. You just have to learn to appreciate the dips & sharp turns as much as the rest of the ride, for all together the ride is life. ❤

Learning to Let Go

Letting go is becoming all I know. I am learning to surrender to circumstances I cannot control. I have often told others to let go of things they can’t control. Tell them not to let it affect them, just shake it off or ignore it, it will only add stress to your life. Yet, this is a practice that I have struggled to put into place for myself. 

For years I have let guilt, shame, & fear rule my life. I cared so much about how I was viewed by others. I constantly degraded myself for not pleasing everyone, not realizing how many people actually did appreciate me. I was too concerned with those who didn’t care for me that I took for granted people who were grateful to have me in their life. The ugly truth of the matter is that you will never successfully satisfy everyone you come into contact with. It’s impossible. Think about it. If Jesus couldn’t do it, neither will you be able to. Hate to burst your bubble. #SorryNotSorry This realization was highly enlightening & freeing for me. I began to feel lighter. The burden of others’ negative opinions was no longer a gorilla sitting on my chest. I started to notice more positive things about myself & wonder why I wasted so much time trying to impress people who deserve to posses no portion of my attention. 

Time was my worst enemy. I judged myself & based my level of “success” on what I had or had not accomplished up to this point in my life. I hated the fact that I am 28 years old & still haven’t found a spouse or even someone to be in a relationship with. I was angry for having still not posted my poetry, most of which has never been read, in some form of book. I couldn’t stand the fact that I found myself back in school & have yet to start my career. I felt my  body clock ticking on having a child, especially given I only have one ovary. Just to be clear, I believe finding a husband comes before having a child, & thus I felt even more pressure in that area of my life. I felt myself aging, using my schedule & exhaustion as an excuse to refrain from exercise, but the reality is that I had such low self esteem that I wasn’t motivated to take care of my body because I didn’t believe it deserved to be treated or look any better than my mental state. 

I was recently reminded how important it is to take care of yourself. To set goals, break them down, & work towards them. Set target dates to accomplish these mile markers & reward yourself when you reach your ultimate milestone. My buddy recommended a book for me to read & a specific journal to help me break down my goals & work on increasing gratitude in my life. I will admit, I have not committed as much time as I should have to these materials, or at least not as much as I would have liked to. & I am certainly still figuring out how to utilize them. Yet, even this slight inspiration has made a world of difference in my life thus far. Three weeks ago I was in a very dark place! & I had been in that place for a few months. I thought I hid it well, but of course my mother saw right through it all. In fact, she is the main reason I noticed how much better I am feeling these days. She pointed out last week what a change she has seen in me, my whole demeanor. She used the term “fighter” to describe me & that gave me a new sense of power. I realized for the first time that I am making positive strides. I am cutting negative ties, setting goals, & working towards the future I want for myself. It is an immensely good feeling to realize that you genuinely ceased to care about the opinion of others who have belittled you & suffocated you for so long, when they are going nowhere themselves. 

I had once heard someone say that it is easier for someone to pull you down from a chair than you to pull them up onto it. It finally clicked with me that I had been letting others pull me down for so long. I am no longer letting that happen. I may not be able to pull them up to my level with me, but I am certainly not looking down anymore. I am vowing to only heed the wisdom of those more driven than myself. I’m not waiting for the new year to start my resolution. I can’t change the past & I won’t worry about the future. I will trust God’s timing, knowing that it is perfect & it is absolute. It is not relative to what I want, but I have to make moves to make it happen. You can’t expect things to happen if all you do is sit & wait. 

PSA: Check out the book my pal recommended for me (link below)

“Own the day, Own Your Life” ~Aubrey Marcus ❤