You only get one heart, guard it well!

I have previously written about the monologue given by Professor Perlman (Michael Stuhlbarg) at the end of Call Me by Your Name. I quoted the part where he says,

“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of 30 & have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste!”

Today, however, I want to focus on a different portion of the monologue. Near the end he says,

“Remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. And before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. Right now there’s sorrow. Pain. Don’t kill it and with it the joy you’ve felt.”

I love this entire monologue so much, but the phrase out of this portion that stood out to me most was the fact that our hearts are given to us only once. As is everything he says here, this is entirely true. So knowing that, why do we willingly give pieces of ourselves away? So many of us think we have to break our hearts like Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan) breaks the tiara in the movie Mean Girls. Her whole goal is to spread the pieces & make everyone feel like a queen. This is a very generous concept & while we should certainly put out love & kindness into the world to make everyone feel like they are important, I do not believe it works the same in love & relationships. 

If we loan out our soul to just anyone who shows interest, our hearts will quickly diminish in size. What we have left to give will be withered away before the right person comes along. It is impossible to prevent a heart from being broken, it will happen to most, as unfortunate as that may be… If we aren’t cautious who we let in, it has the potential to occur repetitively. I’m by no means saying to close yourself off to every prospect who enters your life & put a target on their head. Rather, take your time. 

We live in a society based on instant gratification & consumerism. We want what we want & we want it ASAP. Not to get too religious, but the Bible states that “love is patient.” If we want to be able to provide our partner with the whole heart full of love they deserve, we cannot rush to give it away. When we rush into things, they often don’t last as long, & we leave things behind, which are stolen by the other party as we rush right back out. Taking our time, getting to know people before offering up all we have saves us a lot of heartache. 

I’ve often heard the popular quote, “You can’t pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first.” Protect yourself, don’t shatter your heart & pass out the shards to every punk who comes along. Save the whole thing for the one who offers you the same. We are only given one heart, take care of it! 

That being said, if you have been hurt, broken, even shattered, do not fight to wash away the pain. Feeling isn’t a bad thing in & of itself. It shows your heart is still functioning, despite anything it may have endured. When we erase our memories, we will surely lose beautiful moments as well. Use the good times to restore the parts of your heart that need some TLC. &, use the bad experiences to remind you how great the moments of joy were. Don’t look back with disdain. Simply move forward slowly, not rushing, but relishing the process of growing closer to someone. Filling your cup with great moments so that you have more to offer in the end. ❤

“Living for Each Other is the Rule of Nature”

20180420_152909Today I struggled with picking a topic to write on as I was scrolling through memes & quotes I have saved over time. Many caught my eye & tugged at my heartstrings, longing to be elaborated on. But for some reason I decided to go with this quote:

“Nothing in nature lives for itself. 

Rivers don’t drink their own water.

Trees don’t eat their own fruit.

The sun doesn’t shine for itself.

A flower’s fragrance is not for itself.

Living for each other is the rule of nature.”

It is often the ambition of people to satisfy their own wants & needs. This is, as many things, inherent human nature. But, what gratification truly comes from this? Sure, it is easy to be selfish, & we know ourselves better than anyone else, so we know how to get what we want. But, how long does this feeling last? Sometimes we focus so much on getting what we want we waste precious time that could be better spent focused on others. How simple is it to listen to someone, to ask how their day is going, or to simply spread a smile. I have talked many times about how contagious a smile can be. I truly believe this to be a fact. Bringing joy to someone else will only bounce off them & reflect back to you making you happy too. We believe we know what is best for us so we venture out to find it, not realizing how much energy is wasted trying to achieve ultimate perfection, by way of accomplishing goals, purchasing material goods, or seeking life’s highs. Again, as I have discussed before, we will never attain our idea of perfection. Once we achieve or posses one thing we wanted, we will immediately seek more. It is a never ending, vicious cycle. Live selflessly & you will find more peace than when you work only to gratify yourself. 

As Mufasa once said, “we are all connected in the great circle of life.” Everyone has something to contribute. There are farmers who provide the food, seamstresses & tailors who clothe us, performers who entertain us, government officials who work to organize chaos, military members who strive to protect us & our freedoms, construction workers who provide us shelter, & the list goes on. Each person has a role & when we accept that & become grateful for our differences, we learn to respect one another. You too have a gift, & someone somewhere is in need of what you provide. So do not hoard what you have to offer, share it with the world. The planet, the humans, animals, environment. You couldn’t survive without the sacrifice of someone else, so give back in any way you can & you will be granted a place in which you thrive. It is easier to be satisfied when we are putting out what we already have rather than trying to force ourselves to gain power, which is not rightly ours. Be who you are & let that be enough. Your presence is needed, is desired, & will not go unnoticed. Do not fear missing out or feeling under appreciated. Know that you are all this world needs to go round. 

I will sum all this up with a repost of a poem I wrote about how contagious positivity is. “Positivity is a virus… Be positive, spread your light.” It is as simple as that. Your smile may be for someone else in the moment, but they will pass it on & it will continue to go around until it eventually returns to you. Live for others & so they shall live for you. We all need each other. ❤

“Positivity is a virus

You can easily transmit

It’s highly contagious

Don’t fear spreading it

You infect one life

& so they affect others

Thus a ripple begins

Which this world, it smothers

Waves traveling forward

Across oceans, across land

From one soul to the next

’Til together we all stand

Sick with this virus

Mutated into those

Who love one another

Whose hearts have been transposed

Each frozen thought thawed

Every mind opened wide

So that we can all see

The beauty held inside

There will be no more heartache

No tears shed from wet eyes

No pain, only joy

Sunshine & butterflies

Smiles on every face

Arms open wide

Diversity embraced

Conflicts set aside

Who knows how far

Your ripple will go?

The world is a sphere

So in circles it flows

Disease is the answer

Like zombies we unite

Don’t cower in the darkness

Be positive, spread your light” ~Kimily Trehern