Unworthy (religious)

As the heavy rain falls down

It seems my world may end

I inhale the water & drown

‘Cause it’s better than living with what I did

I wish this was holy water

To wash away my sins

But instead this rain makes mud

So thick that I need fins

I don’t pray for a life raft

To save my evil soul

Instead I slit my own neck

Creating gills through which to blow

My God, My Father, I do not deserve your grace

I completely understand if you look into my face

As I reach your kingdom’s gates

& you banish me to Hell

I will not be surprised 

I won’t fight I won’t yell

My insides have turned toxic

My gut begins to rot

I won’t accept forgiveness

My stomach is a knot

Swelling from the inside

Soon to burst like a balloon

Spraying my wicked ways

Like confetti across the room

I should be quarantined

To protect others from my flesh

But I know that you forgive me

& my slate has been refreshed

There is no amount of gratitude 

To thank you for your love

I will never be worthy

I should be disposed of ~Kimily Trehern

We are not worthy of God’s love, or the gift of His son. No matter what we do, or don’t do, that will never change. No matter how good we think we are, we will never be deserving. No matter how horrible of a person we consider ourselves, he loves us anyways. The free gift of eternal life is quite literally priceless. So when you feel like you could never be forgiven, think again. You have unlimited chances. Your soul is precious. Use your mistakes to learn from. Then let go. ❤

I’m Not Immune

I wrote most of this 6/20/19 but then put it on hold. Having passed a huge milestone in my life yesterday, I finally feel like I can relax & focus on my writing for the first time in a long time so I decided to go ahead & post this.

Just like everyone else, I am not immune to things like negativity, bullying, hard-headedness, or having my feelings hurt. I try to hide my emotions from the world most of the time, but sometimes they come out anyways. I am an extremely opinionated person, & thus have a strong stance on most political subjects. Because these subjects are so controversial I try my best to avoid them on social media platforms so as not to instigate debate. That’s not to say I am always successful, & I have definitely made some questionable posts, most of which are later deleted. 

For those who believe in astrology, I am a Leo. As lions, we are very proud creatures. We like our egos stroked, but we are also often easily offended when they are not. Luckily over time I have developed some pretty thick skin, but my feelings can still be hurt. When that happens I have a major tendency to lash out. Whether that be at the person who caused the pain, or an innocent bystander. Typically my pain emerges as anger, & I have a difficult time controlling my anger. That being said, I am also one of the quickest people to forgive. I basically let myself get walked all over because people quickly realize that I will forgive them unlimited times no matter how bad they hurt me because I always believe that there is good in a person. I do believe it is possible for people to change, knowing however, that they have to be the one to make the decision to change & that is often unlikely. 

Sorry, I got a bit off topic there. The point is, I have strong opinions & I want them to be heard, but as I discussed in my last post, that isn’t always for the best. So this post is just to say I apologize to anyone I ever have, or will, offend with my writing. I am sorry. I am not perfect & neither is my writing; & my opinions are subject to flaws as well, obviously. Well there is my apology, but I urge you, when you post things, be it a photo or a video or a song or writing or whatever it is, think about how others may interpret it. & always remember, the next generation is watching, you are shaping the future. ❤

Archives are Important

The more we try to erase the past, the more we will see it in the future. Memories were created with a purpose. So we could learn from our previous mistakes. If we don’t remember what we did wrong we will continue to make the same mistakes over & over again & again. 

Today we live in a world where people strive to be politically correct. A world filled with hatred among humans & resentment for the past. Racial animosity & friction betwixt the genders are at an all time high. But, WHY?! We are all humans, we are all equal, we should all be treated the same, right? But, we aren’t. Here’s where I will sound negative for a second. The world ain’t fair, so deal with it! Not something you want to hear, is it? Of course not. But, it’s the truth. This leaves us sentient beings with two options. 1. To work as hard as we possibly can to achieve our goals, despite our birth bound setbacks, which may include having been enabled too often. 2. Blame others for not being treated the way you want to be treated.

I don’t even honestly feel the need to go into depth on option one as it seems pretty straightforward to me. The harder you work, the more you will achieve. Yet, there is this whole other side to that, which ties into option two. Why aren’t we working to create a world, in which everyone is treated equally? When we place blame on others, we are giving them the power to control our thoughts & feelings. This power is a right, which should remain your own. 

The solution is pretty simple, quit placing blame & instead strive to treat everyone as you wish to be treated yourself. This is, after all, the golden rule. If everyone treated each other as they wanted to be treated in return, the world would be a better place. So often this is said, but so rarely is this theory put into action. We get so distracted by placing blame, because it is the easy thing to do. It is a cop out, instead of accepting the responsibility that the reason you are not happy may actually have nothing to do with the color of your skin or which reproductive organs you have & may in fact be more about your own view of yourself. Do you see yourself as a success or a failure? Are you satisfied with who you are? 

Today is not the day I will talk about finding your own self worth, or how to love yourself. Today I am writing about possibly the biggest issue with our current society’s infatuation with the concept of political correctness. The issue with it is, the “blamers” would like to erase the past. First of all, let me point out. This is impossible! It cannot be done. The past is what it is, & it cannot be changed. Some dinosaur probably once pooped where you now eat. Don’t like it? Too bad! It is a fact. When we realize that the past is a fact, a statistic set in time, then we can begin to shape the future. Circling back to what I said in the first paragraph. Our brains were embedded with a recollection archive. A memory, a database whose files can be retrieved by their owner at any time. 

Just like our memories, historical records hold significance also. When a criminal gets a “record,” it is there so that people know how many times the criminal has done what wrong in attempt to prevent future occurrences. Why then is it important that history is remembered? To learn about things like wars & unethical treatment of humans by one group towards another—be it religion, race, gender, age, or any other reason—learning about these things is how we prevent them from reoccurring. A lot can be learned from any bad situation. & since the past has  already taken place, why not use it to learn from? Let’s learn from mistakes that have already been made & go forward avoiding making the same ones again. So back to the problem. These blame placers today just want to pretend like the past never happened. They want to remove artwork—original masterpieces, change flags, ban the pledge, avoid singing the national anthem or other lyrics, remove key events from text books, etc. All because these things are too “offensive.” What is offensive is that we have not used these historical mistakes to learn how to treat each other with kindness & respect. You would think by now we would have gotten the point! Yet, here we are. Just remember, the less history there is to learn from, the more likely those same issues will present themselves in the future, possibly even multiple times. ❤

Mental Starvation

Your mind is home base, it is your safe space. But, if you never leave, if you never let anyone in, if you never open the door it will remain the same. If you aren’t happy, or even if you are content, but want something more, you must open the door! This is the only way things will change. Going somewhere new, trying something new, meeting someone new; all of these create opportunities—open more doors. Things will look different behind each door, & that is okay. As Jay Shetty says, you can’t desire something you haven’t been exposed to. You will never know what amazing things this world has to offer if you stay hidden behind closed doors. You will mentally starve yourself to death! No matter what age your physical body lays to rest, do not go down on a spiritually empty stomach! Expose yourself! ❤

Expand Your Mind

The mind is such an amazing thing. We don’t really consider it a muscle, but in all actuality it can, & should, be exercised just like a muscle. I’ve often talked about exercising the mind in terms of building self control & focusing on positivity. Today I would like to add another ability of your brain that I feel deserves a good, consistent workout. 

Your creativity & imagination are just as important as any other aspect of your mind. Now, by this I don’t mean you need to create an imaginary friend, & become consumed with a fake reality. Rather, expand your mindset. J. K. Rowling once wrote about imagination being the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. To see their point of view. Reading is a great way to broaden your horizons & experience different points of view. Yet, as much as I love to read myself & hope others enjoy reading the things I write; we cannot rely on this alone. Reading allows you to peek into the mind of someone else. We can often gain insight in this way, yet those ideas are not original. 

It is important to think for yourself. Read, study, watch the news, do whatever it is that you enjoy doing. Learn about things happening around you, whether you feel they involve you or not. By seeing what is happening in other places in the world or to other people we can often learn how to prevent similar issues happening closer to home. That’s my political input for the day. But, enough of that!

I only say this to make the point that the more informed you are, the easier it is to develop your own personal opinion. It is such a beautiful gift to think for yourself! This does not mean you have to disagree or argue with everyone. It just means you know better who you are. It frees you to be your own person, a nonconformist. Granted, the concept of free thought scares most, as they don’t know how to experience it for themselves. Do not let the close-mindedness of others prevent you from opening your thoughts. 

I have often come to corners of my mind that frighten me. However, recently, when I reach a place that makes me uncomfortable, I just sit there with the thought & allow myself to work through it, instead of trying to instantly switch my brain to a happier place. Through this process I have experienced the unlocking of parts of my brain I didn’t know existed. 

As the meme below states, “You have an eternity to think inside the box.” Choose to be different, choose to be bold. Not just to be obnoxious & prove how smart you are, rather to experience the freedom of control. Challenge your brain, make yourself think, ask questions. Don’t settle, don’t become complacent, don’t be one of the herd. Be YOUnique! Be prepared, as you will be judged when you step outside the box. But, know that regardless how you live your life, people will judge you. So don’t let the opinions of the small minded individuals threaten your ability to be who you are. Stretch that muscle that is your brain! ❤