Just putting some old thoughts down on paper tonight. The post title was an afterthought or I would have written it down as well. ❤
Author: Kimily24
Looking back only slows you down
Today has been one of those days where I know I want to write, but I am struggling to decide what to write about. So many topics are circling my mind. I feel led to write about prayers being answered & being able to view people without judgement. However, the reason for this is a very personal story that I am not sure I’m ready to share yet.
That being said, I believe I will write about something that crossed my mind last month. I saw a post today that sort of reminded me of this fleeting thought I’d had & I’d like to try to elaborate on it & see where I’m led. The original thought was:
Looking back only slows us down, giving those behind us a chance to catch up or even pass us.
Why do we waste so much time focused on what other people do & neglect our own work? If we put half as much effort into striving for our own goals as we do worrying about where others are on their journey, we would be miles ahead of where we are at. It is okay to examine, or study, the practice of another individual on a similar path to ours. There may in fact be things to be learned, tips to be shared. But we can not dwell on this for too long & forget to continue our own work. This gets us nowhere.
Same thing goes for living in the past. You cannot constantly relive your mistakes, or even triumphs, if you want to keep moving forward towards you goals. You must look past the finish line & focus on the prize. If you only direct your gaze to your end goal, you will surely slow down before you get there, as soon as you get it in sight. However, when you set your eyes beyond the finish line, you blow through it & continue on to bigger & better things. Don’t just stop when you reach one goal. As you get close to one, set a bigger goal, farther in the future.
The more time that is wasted looking back, or comparing your pace to others, the less time there is to be spent moving yourself forward. No two journeys are the same, though the paths may be similar. No time frame is right or wrong, but customized entirely by you. Don’t worry about your competitors or shame yourself for being slower than you’d like. Just focus on what you can control, put in the work, & look forward, past where you want to be. I’m sure you’ve heard the old phrase “Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.” This is yet another quote that I believe holds value. Dream big. Set realistic goals, but as you work towards them & they begin to come into sight, set a new one. Never stop growing, never stop improving. Never look back, or even around you. This will only slow you down, & while you are slowing down, your opponent, who has kept their eyes on the prize will be passing you. Keep your focus on your future. Reach for what you want. ❤
Hem of God’s Garment
I once heard that the sun rays peeking through the clouds was the hem of God’s garment. I thought “Wow! That’s incredible. If I could just reach up & touch it I would be healed, saved from my sinful lifestyle.” It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t have to reach up to touch it, missing it. As the sun rays kiss the earth so God’s love extends down to rescue those on the ground.
It’s not a matter of distance, or not being able to reach. It’s about being able to get around the clouds of evil temptation. Temptation will try to block you out, prevent you from seeing the light. But, he always has access to you, no matter how far away from him you may stray. You may feel yourself sinking into the earth. He can reach from the heavens even into the pits of Hell. He created the earth, why wouldn’t he have access to it & all the beings on it? Just as positivity gives life, presiding above negativity, which poisons & buries the soul; so Heaven surrounds us & rises up above while Hell is stationed beneath us. If we invite him, God is within us. He warms us like the sun warms a cat basking in a windowsill.
From a nonreligious perspective, positivity is always there. Clouds of negativity & negative people will try to block it from you. You can’t let them win. You have to rise above those clouds to seek the positivity beyond. Chase the rays where they are touching the ground, they can lead you to more sunshine or positivity & give you a direct path to a higher perspective. ❤
Appreciation Post
While I have never been lucky in love, I am very lucky in friendship! I try not to take my friends for granted, but sometimes it happens anyways. I get caught up in life’s drama & fail to realize how amazing my friends actually are. The truth is, whenever I take a step back & consider them, I have some pretty awesome friends! They are kind & they are giving, they support my goals & we always have a blast together.
I received a few gifts this year that I absolutely cherish. They may not seem like much, but they came from the heart. My roommate on a cruise in January went over & above, he got me several little happies for the trip that were so unnecessary, but great. On top of snacks & a dino door hanger, he knew I loved pigs so when he came across a tiny pig finger puppet (named Squealz) the first day, he got him for me. The day I went swimming with the piggies, he had our room attendant fold me a towel pig.
A few months later, when I arrived to meet my friends in Canada, the first thing my buddy did was place the most beautiful pashmina over my head. I was shocked & couldn’t believe it was for me. He said he just came across it in a store & thought I would like the colors so he got it for me. I was in awe & almost burst into tears.
Again, these may not seem like fancy gifts, but I promise the gesture is grand! & they meant the absolute world to me! It is not about the size of the gift or the price tag on it, but rather the thought behind the gift that counts. Or when someone knows you so well that just seeing something they know you would like it & are generous enough to get it for you. I’m not saying that gifts make, or even strengthen, a friendship. But I am just reflecting on friendships today & little gestures like these don’t go unnoticed! It is important to practice gratitude daily & today I am thankful for my friends! ❤
Here are some photos of the pashmina & piggies.
Unworthy (religious)
As the heavy rain falls down
It seems my world may end
I inhale the water & drown
‘Cause it’s better than living with what I did
I wish this was holy water
To wash away my sins
But instead this rain makes mud
So thick that I need fins
I don’t pray for a life raft
To save my evil soul
Instead I slit my own neck
Creating gills through which to blow
My God, My Father, I do not deserve your grace
I completely understand if you look into my face
As I reach your kingdom’s gates
& you banish me to Hell
I will not be surprised
I won’t fight I won’t yell
My insides have turned toxic
My gut begins to rot
I won’t accept forgiveness
My stomach is a knot
Swelling from the inside
Soon to burst like a balloon
Spraying my wicked ways
Like confetti across the room
I should be quarantined
To protect others from my flesh
But I know that you forgive me
& my slate has been refreshed
There is no amount of gratitude
To thank you for your love
I will never be worthy
I should be disposed of ~Kimily Trehern
We are not worthy of God’s love, or the gift of His son. No matter what we do, or don’t do, that will never change. No matter how good we think we are, we will never be deserving. No matter how horrible of a person we consider ourselves, he loves us anyways. The free gift of eternal life is quite literally priceless. So when you feel like you could never be forgiven, think again. You have unlimited chances. Your soul is precious. Use your mistakes to learn from. Then let go. ❤
Whose Reality?
What is a reality for other people may not be your reality. Stop chasing what isn’t yours & focus on what you have. This is something I struggle with practically 24/7. I am always seeing things I want, longing for things I don’t have. Which is stupid. I have so much to be thankful for! I feel like this has become a huge issue in current times. We live in a world where we are raised to expect instant gratification. Don’t have the body you want? Why eat healthy & work out when you can just get plastic surgery? Hungry, but you don’t want to cook or put clothes on to go out? Just order food to be delivered to your door. The list of things we can acquire at the drop of a hat is endless. It has become the new norm for people to slack on the work & expect the same results. Who needs to study when you can cheat? Why practice when you can sabotage your opponent? It’s utterly ridiculous!
The truth is we aren’t meant to have everything. We have to find what we love, what we want, what we care about more than anything else in the world & work for it. Work to get it, & work to keep it. Whether it is a career, a trophy, a body, a score, a talent, or anything else, if you care about it, put in the effort! Think about your most prized possession. Unless you are a complete brat, I’m certain you can think of something, or someone, you care about. When you are attached to something, or someone, you want to protect it right? Take care of it. Polish that trophy, so to speak. You wouldn’t throw your nicest china to be shattered on the ground. Whatever that thing you care about may be, treat it as such.
Something that occurs too much in today’s society is people chasing people who already belong to someone else. As always, I am not a perfect person, but I must say one thing I absolutely can not stand is someone chasing a person who is already in a committed relationship, specifically marriage. If a person is already taken, move on, & find your own! Here’s a little secret: once a cheater, always a cheater. If he/she is willing to cheat on their significant other with you, why on earth would you be daft enough to believe they wouldn’t cheat on you with the next best thing to come along? But enough of that.
My point is, you can’t just expect to get everything you see or want. If you have access to read this, that means you have internet, which puts the whole world at your fingertips. & yes, there are some things, which given you have the funds for, you can acquire at the touch of a button. But some things don’t work that way. & even if they did, they are better earned than just received. Think again about your prized possession. Why do you care about it so much? Perhaps it’s a family heirloom. But, perhaps you won it in a competition. You worked for it, you earned it, it holds meaning.
This holds true with relationships (circling back). When you find someone of significance in your life you work to gain their trust, you treat them with respect. This is not always an easy task. But if you care about them, if you don’t want to lose them, you will continue to treat them with respect. They are a prize, so polish that trophy, make it shine. You will get out of a relationship what you put in. Relationships don’t just happen, they are acquired through work, trying to impress each other. They are maintained through even harder work, treating one another as you each deserve. So don’t go barking up the wrong tree. The tree may be well defended, & even if it’s not, you may be trespassing.
Be grateful for what you have. Of course, you should always strive to achieve more, that’s part of self growth & development. But be realistic & know that some things just aren’t meant for you. Love & respect the things that are. ❤
I’m Not Immune
I wrote most of this 6/20/19 but then put it on hold. Having passed a huge milestone in my life yesterday, I finally feel like I can relax & focus on my writing for the first time in a long time so I decided to go ahead & post this.
Just like everyone else, I am not immune to things like negativity, bullying, hard-headedness, or having my feelings hurt. I try to hide my emotions from the world most of the time, but sometimes they come out anyways. I am an extremely opinionated person, & thus have a strong stance on most political subjects. Because these subjects are so controversial I try my best to avoid them on social media platforms so as not to instigate debate. That’s not to say I am always successful, & I have definitely made some questionable posts, most of which are later deleted.
For those who believe in astrology, I am a Leo. As lions, we are very proud creatures. We like our egos stroked, but we are also often easily offended when they are not. Luckily over time I have developed some pretty thick skin, but my feelings can still be hurt. When that happens I have a major tendency to lash out. Whether that be at the person who caused the pain, or an innocent bystander. Typically my pain emerges as anger, & I have a difficult time controlling my anger. That being said, I am also one of the quickest people to forgive. I basically let myself get walked all over because people quickly realize that I will forgive them unlimited times no matter how bad they hurt me because I always believe that there is good in a person. I do believe it is possible for people to change, knowing however, that they have to be the one to make the decision to change & that is often unlikely.
Sorry, I got a bit off topic there. The point is, I have strong opinions & I want them to be heard, but as I discussed in my last post, that isn’t always for the best. So this post is just to say I apologize to anyone I ever have, or will, offend with my writing. I am sorry. I am not perfect & neither is my writing; & my opinions are subject to flaws as well, obviously. Well there is my apology, but I urge you, when you post things, be it a photo or a video or a song or writing or whatever it is, think about how others may interpret it. & always remember, the next generation is watching, you are shaping the future. ❤
6/16/19 The Love We Deserve
As I listened to a sermon today on the importance of Christ-like relationships I became excited, while also frustrated. The sermon was about the importance of wives submitting to their husbands, whom are in turn intended to love their wives as Christ loved the church. As usual, religion aside this sermon held a lot of great advice for couples.
The lesson was that women are called to submit in a such a way that they are not presenting barriers to their husbands to lead the household in a Godly manner. They should love their husbands in a way that makes the husband want to be better for them. Husbands in return are meant to love their wives as Christ loved the church. With “sacrificial, purifying, caring, & unbreakable love.” I won’t dive into the breakdown of those, just know that men have a very important, yet extremely difficult task of honoring their wives & leading them in the right direction. Husbands were not intended to take advantage of the wife’s submission, rather use it as inspiration to treat her with this incredible love.
As the message went on single women were called to be patient. Not to submit to just any man who walked into their lives, but rather to wait for the one who would earn their submission & would treat them with the respect they deserve in return. This sounded so empowering! Women have the right to choose. If we all actually did this, held out for this kind of loving connection, how different our relationships would be.
With this power in mind I began to question, why is it this sounds so enticing, but I have such a difficult time being patient? The answer is simple, & a quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Until we learn to love ourselves enough to truly believe we deserve to be treated right, we will not be willing to wait patiently. It will be a constant battle to avoid or cut-off those who misuse & abuse us. Therefore, self-love is once again the focus of a stable relationship foundation. Until you can learn to love yourself, you cannot expect someone to love you in a way that you can not. Until you can love yourself, you can not submit yourself to that person properly. As we fill our own cup with self-love, we have more to offer others.
Women are called to submit, which requires a high level of trust. That trust cannot be offered up to just anyone. Save it for someone who will do right by you, someone who appreciates all that you offer & wants to honor your submission. Men, be trustworthy. Earn your woman’s submission by treating her with respect & leading your household in an honorable manner. ❤
Why Me?
If you’re anything like me you may have spent your whole life searching for love in all the wrong places. Going after one failed relationship after another. The older you get the more desperate you become, it seems, to find love & settle down. Everyone else is doing it right? But how many of those people are actually in happy, successful relationships? As I look around I see more divorces, more broken homes, more miserable humans than loving, in tact couples.
Having come from a family with no divorces in its history & two wonderful parents who are making their 40th anniversary this year, I have a very strong opinion of what a marriage is supposed to look like. Perhaps that is another reason why I have been so unlucky in love. I have every intention of going to the grave married to the same man who is my one & only husband I will ever have. In which case, I am not willing to settle, & neither should you! Don’t waste your time & money hopping into an unstable relationship just for the title of it or because you feel it’s what you should do or because you are so determined to find love.
As I so often write about, & so often have to remind myself, life is a game of waiting. It is not fun, but you are not in control & it’s better that way. It’s less of a headache when you aren’t trying to control every move of your life & more exciting too.
But, if you are wondering why it is taking you so much longer to find love than so many around you, you may begin to question what is wrong with yourself? I am here to tell you today that perhaps the problem does not lie with you. Perhaps the problem is in finding a person who is good enough for you. People can tell you this as much as they want just as I am doing, but until you grasp this concept for yourself, as I did today, you will never be satisfied.
If you are not willing to settle for mediocrity, if you are determined to find you perfect mate (keep in mind everyone has flaws), then you may have a longer journey to travel than others. For me, however, as much as I would like to claim the title of dumper, I have been the dumpee more times than not. I have been treated poorly, ghosted several times, & been utterly refused in just about every way humanly possible. I have asked what was wrong with myself more times than I can count stars in the sky. But, today it finally seemed to click. You hear all of these peppy quotes about how love will find you when the time is right & phrases reassuring you you are worthy. But, just like everything else, until you believe that for yourself, those are just words. I’m sure what I am saying may just be words to you today too. It is only because things have finally clicked with me that I am able to say this with true conviction.
Just continue to work on yourself. Because as you grow & improve it becomes increasingly difficult for someone to be worthy of you. That helps narrow out the riffraff. Just be patient, because that means it is going to be that much harder to find your perfect mate. & your perfect person may not be ready for you yet. They may need to mature more before they are ready to take on a relationship. That is a two way street. Your future spouse may be just as anxiously waiting on you, but you are not in a position to fulfill their dreams yet. So as you grow, know that they are growing too. You are both maturing into the people you need to be for each other in time. That time just may not be now. Do not end the journey towards self improvement due to being discouraged by rejection. Rather continue to develop so that you are ready when your person is ready for you. Then you can thrive & flourish together. ❤
Positive Voices
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I can make an impact. I, like everyone else, just want to have my voice heard. But, I want what is heard to be positive. I want what is heard to inspire people. I want to truly make a difference for the better. I do not want to speak out of ignorance or raise my voice to fight. If that be the case, my voice is better left unheard. I posted recently about my frustration with YouTube having a thumbs down, aka dislike button. My point was, if you don’t like it, don’t thumbs up it. Simple. No one cares about your negative opinion. Spread positivity only.
The problem in today’s society is so many people are fighting to be heard, people feel the need to trash others to bring their own voices to the light. Negativity only breeds more negativity & this is not beneficial. What ever happened to the old phrase, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Why don’t we preach this anymore? I do believe it is important for everyone to feel heard, for everyone to feel like people notice them & care about them. I do not, however, believe that everything people have to say serves a purpose. As I said for my own words, if they do not offer something positive, they are better left unheard—so it is true with others.
I have a theory on why people are fighting harder & harder to make themselves known these days, & it basically stems from the way they are raised. If we are given the proper love, attention, & care we deserve as babies, children, adolescents & even in adult relationships, we do not so desperately seek these attributes in unnecessary or inappropriate ways. But I won’t go into any more detail on that now as it can be a sensitive subject.
Tanner Petulla, better known by his stage name, Getter, said just today that “The world’s negativity has gotten way too out of control recently… & it’s almost a chore to say something nice.” This is such a tragic, but all too true fact. What would it take to change that? One of my favorite quotes comes from Nelson Mandela, a brilliant man! He said so many wise things, which I highly recommend reading. But one of the things he said was, “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, & if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
As the old saying goes, darkness is simply the absence of light. There is a lot of darkness in the world we live in. Yet, that darkness can all be driven out with light, which is far more powerful. All it takes is a few beautiful, brave souls to set out on a mission to make the world a brighter place. So today’s question is, which kind of person will you be? Will you shower the world in the darkness of your negativity? Or will you be the sunlight needed to grow a kinder future for our planet? ❤
I do not own the rights to this photo.
Kimily24 