I’ve recently been involved in several conversations with people regarding their relationships. Now, I will be the first to admit that this is a subject on which I am not entitled to give advice, having been single for basically the entire 28 years of my life. However, I do have one opinion on the topic which I feel is valuable. It is related to an issue that seems to be a common problem for many relationships. I feel that it is important for each person to contribute equally to the relationship & in a positive manner.
While I have spent a lot of time discussing this with a couple of my friends recently, I used one analogy I found particularly useful. Life is a game, & your partner is comparable to your coach. We tend to perform at our best when we have a solid support system. If you are with someone who is constantly putting you down, placing blame on you, pointing out all your flaws or mistakes, or treating you like you are inferior it is only going to create a toxic relationship.
It is important to first understand that no one is perfect! You must learn to accept your own flaws & use your mistakes to learn from rather than punish yourself over. You will make yourself miserable if you spend all your time overanalyzing everything you have done wrong or could have done better. When you decide to be with someone, you are also choosing to accept the same in them. That being said, a good relationship is one in which both parties bring the best out in each other. A good coach can help you evaluate what mistakes you made & suggest methods of improvement. More importantly, a good coach encourages you to try again. A bad coach yells in your face. Rarely do we excel when someone makes us feel like a lousy piece of shit, rather that makes us want to give up & quit. It is through positive motivation, just like water & sunlight, that makes us grow.
So find someone who encourages you & lifts you up; someone who doesn’t throw negativity in your face or judge you constantly. Strive to provide the same for your partner. Support each other, don’t try to tear each other down. Motivate one another. Try to avoid anger in disagreements by communicating thoroughly & helping each other understand your frustrations. Don’t make one person make all the effort, always forgive, always take the blame, always feel miserable… Meet halfway. You will get out what you put in & you will only create hostility if all you put out is negative. ❤